Guilt Management Systems Failure
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I like to think I’m a pretty honest, approachable, humble guy. I like it even more when other people tell me they think I’m those things. But boy does something monster-like rise up in me when I receive accusations to the contrary. Something as simple as a clarifying question can make me feel like my character is being dragged through the mud.
But that is my guilt talking, not other people.
I’d venture to guess you’re a lot like me, at least when you’re honest with yourself. Even the most modest among us hate insinuations about character flaws, even if we’re good at pretending to appreciate the feedback.
I believe we come by all this honestly. But why is this happening? What do we do about it? Why does it have so much control over our emotions and reactions?
I think it has something to do with the one belief we build all others on.
THE OFFENSE OF THE GOSPEL
There is something deeply offensive and undignifying about the Gospel of Jesus. In short, the fact that God felt the need to save us by allowing us to kill him reveals that something in us was gravely distorted. Hearing “you are forgiven,” implicitly includes the stinging message “you needed forgiveness.”
But here’s where our coping mechanisms go haywire. In an attempt to triage what’s going on in us, we either suppress the feelings of inadequacy or we imagine that we are not the worst on the list. We simply can’t stand acknowledging that the forgiveness offered to us in Christ was absolutely necessary and completely free.
We simply can’t stand acknowledging that the forgiveness offered to us in Christ was absolutely necessary and completely free.
And it seems odd, when we really look at the Gospel, that we’d be so prone to resist the truths it reveals. “Yes, you were obstinately estranged, but in the death of Jesus, you’ve been completely healed and made new, for the One who made you has now become one with you.”
A STORY OF MY GUILT [MIS]MANAGEMENT
For me this resistance is easily illustrated in relationships. I remember a time when I was arguing with a dear friend. While I thought I had a great point that I insisted should only encourage her, she ended up bursting into tears and leaving the room.
After she calmed down, I was seeking clarification and she said, “sometimes you just make me feel so stupid.” Sometimes, something like that activates compassion and remorse in me, leading to a slightly quicker apology and reconciliation. But, other times, I bite my lip and stubbornly nurse a feeling of being offended that my words would be so misconstrued.
“…sometimes you just make me feel so stupid.”
The latter is always a problematic and painful experience. My ego inflates to shield me from what I am apparently interpreting as a personal attack. I essentially feel offended that she was offended by me, that she honestly shared her real feelings about what I said to her.
It often takes me way too long to realize that I have a complete Guilt Management Systems Failure on my hands. The guilt is real and true. But admitting that feels out of the question and so I attempt to transform the guilt into bravado, wit, or some manipulative reinterpretation of the interaction.
My sense of guilt is only increased by my attempt at mitigating it.
THE PARADOX OF MANAGING GUILT
In my scenario, the guilt is actually multiplied instead of avoided. If I accept it and acknowledge what I’ve done to my friend and she forgives me, the guilt will cease to exist. But, avoiding and rejecting it only confirms what I’m most terrified of: I am not good enough.
This becomes a cyclical narrative and my soul acquires layer upon layer of scar tissue as I refuse to believe that I can be accepted when known for who I really am. It’s a risk, to be sure, but it’s the only pass available through the mountains of guilt to the plains of freedom.
This becomes a cyclical narrative and my soul acquires layer upon layer of scar tissue as I refuse to believe that I can be accepted when known for who I really am.
To take it one step further, I find myself in heaps of anxious exhaustion when I try to manage my guilt. Hiding seems to be a viable option, but it leaves me with only one possible course of action. I have to find a way to prove myself not guilty or atone for my guilt, and I’ll work my fingers to the bone thinking that’s just what I’m doing.
This is the madness of sin and the illusion I believe to be true: I am not good (enough), and so I must become good (enough). This is the belief we build all others on, and it is like building your house on the sand. No wonder insecurity is humanity’s most chronic epidemic.
No wonder insecurity is humanity’s most chronic epidemic.
THE REMEDY FOR THE GUILTY
Even so, this spiritual psychosis is no match for the foolishness of the cross. Because that is where Jesus, the great I AM, willingly surrendered to the deepest reaches of our disbelief and delusions, all the way to death.
Jesus beholds the false visions of god our guilt has meticulously painted. But, on our behalf, he believes in his vision of the Father, with whom he’s as at one with as he is at one with us. This is the mystery of the Gospel, and I believe this is why the Gospel is better than you or I had previously imagined.
We have been cured of our disease by God himself because he was willing to subject himself to the life we live and the lies we believe. The One who has been face to face with the Father for all eternity joined us to be face to face with the god of our imaginations. By standing with us there, by being God With Us there, he has set us free.
The One who has been face to face with the Father for all eternity joined us to be face to face with the god of our imaginations.
DEACTIVATING GUILT MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS
So, the next time you experience a Guilt Management Systems Failure, try to remember that the guilt is probably true, but whatever is true about you was true about Jesus when he died. He took all of the guilt of every person everywhere for all time and left it buried in his grave.
…whatever is true about you was true about Jesus when he died.
That means you are free even in the midst of your overwhelming feelings of guiltiness. It means that the guilt cannot be held against you by anyone anymore because you have already died and risen with Christ. It means that you are free to be known for who you really are because that is who Jesus really reconciled.
…you are free to be known for who you really are because that is who Jesus really reconciled.
Oh, and while you may not be able to completely deactivate your Guilt Management Systems, you can at least begin to distrust them and learn how to bypass them when activated. They are foreign to your person and only serve to reinforce the lies of the serpent.
*For much of the thinking in this piece, I am indebted to the work of C. Baxter Kruger.
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